I am really sitting here reeling about the events of the recent few days. I knew that things would happen the way they did. I felt it in my gut, in my heart, and in my soul. I knew it, still I was let down, hurt and disappointed. I let myself hope, to wish…to dream….Just maybe this once it would go the way I want it too, the way I need it too……Maybe I am not paying attention and God is trying to get my eyes on him and off me. Why God? I just don’t get it. I am looking God…really I am. I am doing all the right things. I have been praying a lot, but still not the answer I wanted or rather an answer I knew was coming that I hoped wouldn’t. I was praying it would not happen that way. No, it happened, yep, it did. I knew it. Am I praying for the wrong things? Maybe I am not thankful enough, humble enough, or sincere enough…..maybe I am just not enough. That is it, I am not enough…….but I knew that too. Maybe God is trying to force me to obey by making things hard…not the way I want. Maybe just maybe it isn’t about what I want but what God wants…..maybe I am not paying attention after all. Ok, God I get it….and I am paying attention.